Undead

Though it is a commonly knowledge fact that Johnathan Maberry's "Rot and Ruin" series are the best YA zombie books out there, "Undead" by Kirsty McKay begs to differ.
     Life could not get worse for Bobby.  Not only was she forced to attend a class skiing trip with a class that hates her, a twist of fate leaves her sequestered in the school bus with the class bad boy, Smitty.  So, cue the teenage hormones and romance or the blood, guts, gore, maggots, carrot men, explosions, and . . . zombies? Joined by the pasty-faced albino nerd (Pete) and the head cheerleader (Alice aka Malice), the teenagers face down horrors such as surveillance cameras, vegetable juice, shrink-wrapped sandwiches, and the undead armed with ski equipment and their own ingenuity.  The only thing that would have been worse was if they'd gotten off the bus in the first place . .
.

I say that this is better than "Rot and Ruin" any day. No, I never did a review of "Rot and Ruin" though, yes, it is generally considered the best zombie book out there--every other zombie book gets compared to it. And, yes, Tom Imura might possibly be the most sympathetic zombie-hunter out there, but halfway through "Dust and Decay," the second book, I fell asleep. So, obviously, Tom Imura, his bratty little brother, that--girl-who-wants-revenge-but-was-basically-brought-along-for-kicks, the-kid-who-didn't-want-to-be-there-and-kept-getting-into-trouble, and the girl who was mysterious-and-oh-so-hot couldn't hold my interest for all that long.  (Oh, and I might have given away the whole plot line for the first two books.  Sorry.)
     Smitty, on the other hand, is very interesting. Possibly that could be because he is insane, unlike the Imuras who are reasonable and posses the power of forethought 50% of the time.  I highly doubt that Tom Imura would chop a zombie's head off with a snowboard.
      Anyway, and now I'll stop with the "Rot and Ruin" references, this book is my sort of book.  Plenty of guts and gore without the prominent and exaggerated battle scene towards the end, because the battle is all through out the book.  Also, there is plenty of inanity.  The whole plot is insane.  The characters are insane. The whole thing's fantastic.
      I did know what was causing people to rise again before the characters did, but that didn't ruin the plot too much.  I also figured out who was behind the whole thing, because it was a bit typical, but it didn't ruin any of the fun.  The last paragraph, though, has a twist that annoys me so much . . . My teeth clench up just thinking about it. Why do people do such things to me!?!
      My favorite character is Bobby.  At first, you get the sense that she's a reasonable heroine, the type you usually get. Yes, she is a reasonable heroine, I do agree with that, but her reasonable isn't what most people would consider reasonable. The things that seem practical to her wouldn't necessarily seem practical to me, or most normal people, in the same situation. She isn't like a lot of modern-day heroines, though, becoming despondent when something isn't working out her way (Miss Everdeen?  No, we weren't just talking about you, were we?). There is almost no one else I would rather be stuck in a truck stop with during the zombie apocalypse.
      Her supporting cast is also amazing.  Smitty, as I've already mentioned. A bad-boy to rival Ronan Lynch, (though Ronan would come out on top because Ronan's amazing).  Pete is an amazing nerd.  I classify myself among their number, and I feel that though he does not represent the majority he is definitely amazing, and that is the only word I have. What dude could not notice that they have a piece of metal shelving sticking out of his head?  His madness knows no bounds of genius.  And, of course, Alice, nicknamed Malice by Smitty.  A cheerleader with an attitude.  She's not your stereotypical ditz, but she does think she is better than the other characters.  Since they out number her 3:1, though, that does get interesting quickly.
      "Undead" came out in the United States this spring, I think.  I picked it up over the summer and read it twice within the space of a month and half, which says something to the quality because usually I have to wait six months before I can re-read something.  "Unfed," the sequal, just came out on this side of the pond, and I wanted to order it from England earlier, but my mother was taking too long so I'll probably just go over to Barnes and Noble this weekend and get it because seriously, I cannot live with not knowing what happens next any longer.  I'll pull all of my hair out of my head if I'm am forced into waiting.
       So, anyways, it's a comedy and a disaster and a train wreck that you can't stop watching.  Turn around.  Run away. Save yourself.  And beware carrots bearing gifts.

Peter and the Starcatchers

"Peter and the Starcatchers" by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson.
         Peter and four other orphan boys are being shipped off to an island to be used as servants for a cruel king.  What they don't know, though, that the Never Land, the ship that they're traveling on, carries precious cargo.  Soon Peter, his gang, and his new friend Molly; Black 'Stache, the wicked pirate; the Queen's Navy; and the Second-in-command of the Never Land are all in contention, fighting battles on land and see, for the trunk of the precious and all powerful starstuff.

Did that summary sound silly to you?  It should.  This is one of the silliest books that I have ever read.  And I do not mean that in a good way.  "Skulduggery Pleasant" was an enjoyably silly book, because it was quick and witty.  This book is slow, draggy, and just plain ridiculous.  It's been a favorite with everyone else I've talked to, though.  Even though it has the stupidest plot line ever.
      Okay, I'll admit it.  I've never been a Peter Pan and Tinker Bell sort of girl.  I'll opt out of Neverland for a trip to Wonderland any day, thank you very much, give me my tea at four and my hatters mad, and I'll stay out of your hair.  Wendy, her brothers, and the wild child who stole them away seemed always a bit to . . . I don't know.  But pirates?  A dog that was basically a nanny?  And giant alligators?  This might seem funny coming from the mouth of someone who swears by fiction, but it always seemed a bit too outrageous to me.
       This books makes it even worse.  You couldn't ask for a more stereotypical crew of pirates, I swear it to heaven and bad.  Sometimes stereotypes are good, but in this case they just make everything worse.  "Black 'Stache" refers to the pirate who has a black mustache.  Originality, anyone?
      Another sore point for me was that I could never get a firm grip on Peter.  The book is narrated third person, and it switches from viewpoint to viewpoint often, so only about 1/3 of the book is spent on Peter.  I didn't get to know him as well as one should get to know a book character, didn't come to understand what he was thinking and feeling as you should with a well-rounded character.
       Oh, something else against Peter.  He was basically like "Starstuff exists?  Okay!"  Gullible little bugger, he is.  In most books people who used to live on the street are smart and never take things at first glance.  Sure, he pokes around a bit and asks questions and whatnot, but mainly he's just . . . too believing.  And he's not enough of a rapscallion or a rascal.  Wasn't J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan a rapscallion and a rascal?
     The character of Molly was a bit unpredictable.  Well, way unpredictable.  She didn't act in a set pattern. Have you noticed that people act in a set pattern?  Someone punches them, they will cry or punch back.  They are left at the mercies of the powers that be, and they will grovel and scream or give the powers that be a shiner to remember them by.  Molly's character cries and gives shiners.  It makes no sense.
      Also, most of the humor falls flat.  The second paragraph of the first chapter was funny.  I didn't get the rest of it.  Um, food that's made out of worms isn't funny.  Um, dropping the two heaviest people on the ship overboard isn't funny.  Um, a captain with discarded meat parts over his cabin isn't funny.  Um, telling a porpoise that you have green teeth isn't funny.  Um, I'm sorry, but this book just isn't funny.  Sorry to bust your bubble.   I mean, come on.  "The Fellowship of the Rings" is funnier, and that book is basically written in Old English.
      So, fly straight until midnight, then take the third start to the right, or whatever it is, if it pleases you, but the magic that you find at the end of this rainbow is loud and obvious and one can definitely do without it.

Skulddugery Pleasent

Skulddugery Pleasent, by Derek Landy, is, quite frankly, the funniest book I have read since, well, forever. 
    Stephanie Edgely's uncle has just died.  People speculate that he dropped dead of a heart attack, though why he did so is beyond them because he seemed to be a perfectly heathly middle-aged novelist.  But died he has, and he has left behind quite a legacy for his favorite niece:  Not only has Stephanie inherited his fortune and his grand old manor, but she has also inherited his lifestyle -- a life of danger and magic and a war that has spanned ages.  Along with Skluddery Pleasent, a back-talking, flame-throwing, wise-cracking, Bently-driving, walking, talking, skeleton/dective with a grudge, she races against the evilest of villians to figure out why her uncle was murdered and to find an artifact that could mean the destruction of the world as we know it. 
     But nothing is ever that simple, as Ms. Edgely is soon to figure out, and things get complicated as magic and trechery permiate everything.  Stephanie must find out who she really is, what life she really wants, and who her friends really are before Serpine burns down the world, taking Skulduggery with him. 

I love this book.  I have read it three times in the past two years.  All the way through, all three times.  And I don't even own it.  Really, the sarcasm and wit is something else, and I must confess that I have gotten most of my good come-backs from that volume. 
     One of the other things that I like about the book, other than the refreshingly cynical sarcasm, is the plot.  It basically boils down to a good guy vs. evil villian plot.  Oh, sure, Stephanie has her doubts about people's motives, and some people's motives really need to be questioned, but at it's heart it's the good guy battling it out against the good guy.  You just don't get plots that simple any more in young adult liturature, and it's sort of refreshing.  You don't have to stress your brain out thinking 'oh, wait, he's the bad guy, right?' or 'wait, he was in love with her but now he's dating her but he's secretly working for the bad guy and he's trying to gleam information from her, and he's trying to spare the girl he loves.  Is that it?' 
     Another thing:  This book glides along smoothly without any romance.  In most books there's a boy/girl tension to the plot, to help create tension.  In a lot of books that is very nesscessary because there would be next to none dramatic tension otherwise (It's why I don't read much of Jenna Black's stuff.  Or Stephanie Meyer's.).  But this one is exciting enough without a guy element.  It's very nice.  All fighting and action, and very little romantic talk.  Just the way I like it.
      And, of course, there are the characters. More motley of a crew never have I met.  A skeleton who walks and talks and posses 'razor sharp wit', a girl who knows that she's something more than suburbia, a tailor who's so ugly he decided that he shouldn't join boxing and ruin his face more, a warrior-lady who has layers like an onion (on the top, she's tough, but peel her and she's just as girly as the next lady who's wearing pink high-heels), a china (ha ha, punny) doll of a woman who's spell is just as alluring as her lies, and a villian who has no motive whatsoever, as far as I can tell.  But you just love them all to bits.  Except for China and Serpine, but that could've done without saying.  The characters are real life people who spring to life off the page.  You can see them marching through wax-musames, hear them as they laugh over their jokes, run with them as they avoid vampires.  And, amazingly, you remember their names after you're done reading and you don't have to go back and reference the book just to make sure. 
       It doesn't seem like it should go together, a fantasy mystery about death and destruction and the satirical conversations about silly things like packages and cars, but it does.  It fits together like a jigsaw puzzel, and one is hard-pressed to find a piece that is missing. 
     Yet another book trying to re-define the definition of magic, this one suceeds in a way that's more than half-decent.  But even if the plot line were awful, the reasoning holey, and it required you to stretch your imagination a bit more than nesscesary you would forget to notice, so caught up would you be in the clever-word play and the lightness of the text.
     I'm afraid that this piece of barely-coherent writing doesn't do the book one bit of justice, but it's late and I'm really rather tired.  Let me just say that Stephanie and Skulddugery's adventures will be read many more times by me, and that I might have to go bean Derek Landy over the head with his own novel because I don't think he's put out a sequal.